That time my blog crashed, url expired, & started selling mail order brides.

It’s hard to see it in that picture, but for the 3 people who may or may not still bother looking at my blog- they know.

I won’t get into the 10,000 reasons of why I haven’t been blogging otherwise, just know that the list begins with “laziness”.

And in true Heather fashion, as my dear friend Susan knows so well when I blow the shit up on her rss feed, I will just go back and play catch up a little.

That’s what I do best, half assing it.

 

TwitterFacebookDiggRedditStumbleUponShare

Figueres, Spain. Where weird was born.

When I was 6 years old or so, my pediatrician was arrested on child molestation charges. Lucky for me, my mother never left me alone in the room with him as I had issues with seizures and fevers and if I was at the doctor something was not cool.

My next physician was my doctor until I moved away at 24 yrs old, Dr. Ruth. (No, really.) Whenever I went into the doctor’s office I would sit on one side of the waiting area and stare at the craziest mother fucking poster ever. I was obsessed, and this was it:

persistenceofmemory

Persistency of Memory. Salvador Dali. 

dali1I am sure I had plenty of nightmares thanks to this melting clock scene (and the phenobarbital). Yet time and time again (year after year) I went into the waiting room and stared, totally entranced. When I started college, I took my first Art History class. (I know, yawn yawn.) But after my intro class my first semester in college, along with some prodding by my professor, I knew Art was going to be my major. I was obsessed, and finally learned about this eccentric painting and its creator.

Dali was the first artist to inspire me. Obviously I would be attracted to someone this peculiar and completely whacked.

The train ride was 2 hours from Barcelona to the Theatre-Museum Dali in Figueres.

What I did not know? I was going to meet him for real.

dali4Sort of.
I had not a CLUE he was buried there.

I expected all kinds of Dali’esque madness seeing as he was the director of this shrine.

The town is tiny and cute. You walk up roads that look more like paths, a giant open air shopping market (not a grocery store, a REAL market). The signs suck and they’re very confusing. I was starting to get pissed off until I passed a building with cows and horses built onto the balconies like it’s normal:

dal

We had to be close. And then this:

dali

Eggs.

dali2

Our hostess, the voluptuous boob lady standing on a car with a Buddha head greets you in the courtyard. I have a ton of pictures of this place as well, it’s not easy to pick one crazy piece over another.

dali3

See this mural? Look at the people standing underneath. That’s how big it is.

dali6 dali7

I had to climb a wooden camel to take this picture, no joke. And because I was nervous, I totally jacked up the fact it’s Mae West if you take the picture correctly. Google it.

dali9 dali12

Dali sculpture. Because it’s good to be well rounded- you can regenerate body parts or make furniture out of it.

dali10

The hands of God are nothing compared to those giant feet.

dali14

 

He was a total perv. I’ll let you find all of the ways yourself.

dali5

Last but not least, his self portrait with bacon. My favorite ever.

Thank you, Salvador Dali.

You inspired me with art, make me feel less crazy and that makes me happy.

 

 

TwitterFacebookDiggRedditStumbleUponShare

Breathtaking Barcelona.

barc13Not only is Barcelona incredibly beautiful, I’ve never seen so many facinating and unique architectural buildings in one place.

Barcelona was never on my top 10 list of places to go, not for any reason in particular, but it just hadn’t crossed my mind. I know I like to play the “I have an Art History Degree” card, but I also graduated from college 7,000 yrs ago and I’ve forgotten A LOT.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from Catalans, as our trip to Italy was less than friendly (RUDE). Spaniards are much nicer, for the record.

barc1

 

We stayed at the U232 and it’s a beautiful hotel, but it’s not really near anything except Las Arenas (now a mall) and I’m not a shopper.

It was much easier to get a 2 day tour bus pass. I love those goofy buses. If I’m going to spend that much money going to a European destination, I want someone to cart my ass around until I see every little bit of it. I also want to get on and off like a merry-go-round because wine stops are the best stops.

I was in Barcelona approximately 20 minutes before I began to stuff my face. I am not exaggerating when I say that the best food I’ve had on any vacation ever is Spain. I actually remember each and every meal, even if it was a bowl of olives.

barc2

I say that cautiously, because I love fish. If it wasn’t for bacon, I’d be a pescetarian. If you hate fish, you may not feel the same way about Spanish cuisine. And there’s probably something wrong with you unless you have an allergy. (then you get a pass.)

Paella. Need I say more. I ate it THREE times while I was there. I prefer to eat tapas all day long versus a big, bloating meal. (except paella, and if you’re nice I’ll share.)

I only drank wine. I didn’t give a caloric crap. I always just say “red” and whatever they happen to bring me (which was always ridiculously cheap compared to what we pay in the US) was always wonderful. Or I was too buzzed all day every day to know better.

Port de Barcelona was beautiful and busy. The weather was so weird, it was warm and humid, but not warm enough not to wear a jacket.

barc10 barc5

barc3 barc6

Olympic leftovers circa 1992. Then I found what I was looking for, a guide book.

(I also found a used condom on the beach, not what I was looking for.)

Ibarc11

I bumped into this guy and was like “hey, I know him!” My tiny brain recognized the name, and realized this dude’s architecture was going to get heavily stalked by me.

Im actually sad that I’m not going to bore the hell out of this entry by posting the 324 pictures I took of 3 buildings. Even though it’s kind of killing me, because the inside of these buildings is even more wild than the out. Maybe one day I’ll pin them on pinterest because I could come back here and link it up….(that will never happen.)

La Pedrera barc7

Casa Batllo  barc9

And most impressive of all- Sagrada Familia

barc12

We spent hours combing these buildings, inside, outside, and on each roof. I have pictures of doorways, floors, light fixtures- I was mesmerized. But this trip got a whole lot better once I decided to go and visit my favorite artist of all time.

Salvador Dali.

IMG_3148

TwitterFacebookDiggRedditStumbleUponShare

Keep Calm and go to Amsterdam.

amstEveryone in Amsterdam is

r e a l l y….

really………………

c h i l l……

I cannot imagine why….

When we booked our trip to Amsterdam, I was kinda like “I bet it’s so dirty.” I kept envisioning filth, and I am not talking about sex, because everyone knows I am keen to being immaturely foul. (in funny not gross ways, for the record.)

I was more than pleasantly surprised. Our hotel was in a quirky location, up just a few blocks from the Red Light District and the Dutch National monument, which was within walking distance to everything.

amst5Then again, they don’t really drive cars in Amsterdam, they all ride on bikes. And I don’t know if that’s better or worse because everyone is stoned.

The food was good, I can’t remember exactly what I ate other than a lot of cheese and crackers but I know all of my meals were very good and I actually drank some beer.

amst8But being in Amsterdam, I felt obligated to check out Heineken.

You just shouldn’t tour the place when you have a suicide inducing hangover like I did.

Nothing like the smell of hops at 10 in the morning and you feel like death. Heineken is certainly not as huge or awesome as the Guinness factory was in Dublin, but now I sound like I know things, or I might be a beer snob and that’s pretty stupid seeing as I don’t really like beer.

Sometimes I’m the lame traveler and I’ll  google stuff like “best things to do in  ____” and check everything off as I go. I’m always worried I will miss something awesome. We took a canal tour (BORING), Rijksmuseum (BORING) and Stedelijk Museum where I saw a sketch of a man crapping over a fan. It made me chuckle. We went into a casino, and I played on my free wifi and he lost money.

amst6The Anne Frank House had a line out and around the building. It was amazing on the inside, but people gasp when I say this:

It’s bigger than I thought it would be. It’s also very intense. You can’t help but leave feeling overwhelmed by its sadness.

Only in Amsterdam can you leave such an incredible historic location and head directly down the canal into a sex filled, marijuana stinking Red Light District.

amst4Obviously. “De Wallen”. The old ladies with saggy bodies chillin’ on their cellphones are hanging out in the windows early, the hotter chicks come out in the night. Which is funny because people are more fucked up at night, but boys are often stupid and probably pay more to “look.”

I have endless inappropriate and funny pictures of things I saw, if you want to see them you’d have to scour my instagram account. Plastic penis noses to wear on your face, booby baseball caps, and naked body kitchen aprons.

amst2I’ve seen enough live sex shows to last me a life time.You know how they say that watching too much of the evening news desensitizes people to blood, gore, murder and other horrible things? Amsterdam’s live sex shows will numb you after about an hour. People are screwing on a stage that whirls in circles, doing the dirty dance to techno music while you’re waving someone down:

“Yes, waiter, can you get me another vodka soda with lime and a cheese platter?”

And another shocker? It was really clean there, too. I assumed restrooms might be crawling with creepers, but there were none to be seen (not that I saw) and I always had hand sanitizer, soap and paper towels when needed. These salt and pepper shakers are probably the only tame photo I took .

There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe…..

amst7 amst9

Definitely impressed with how beautiful the canals were, the cleanliness, and the people were so nice. (as if stoners wouldn’t be.) I will probably never go back, but it’s cool to cross it off my bucket list before I’m so old it would be deemed creepy to visit. Or to eat a brownie. ;)

amst1

 

 

TwitterFacebookDiggRedditStumbleUponShare
Pages: Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 162 163 164 Next