Everyone in Amsterdam is
r e a l l y….
c h i l l……
I cannot imagine why….
When we booked our trip to Amsterdam, I was kinda like “I bet it’s so dirty.” I kept envisioning filth, and I am not talking about sex, because everyone knows I am keen to being immaturely foul. (in funny not gross ways, for the record.)
I was more than pleasantly surprised. Our hotel was in a quirky location, up just a few blocks from the Red Light District and the Dutch National monument, which was within walking distance to everything.
Then again, they don’t really drive cars in Amsterdam, they all ride on bikes. And I don’t know if that’s better or worse because everyone is stoned.
The food was good, I can’t remember exactly what I ate other than a lot of cheese and crackers but I know all of my meals were very good and I actually drank some beer.
But being in Amsterdam, I felt obligated to check out Heineken.
You just shouldn’t tour the place when you have a suicide inducing hangover like I did.
Nothing like the smell of hops at 10 in the morning and you feel like death. Heineken is certainly not as huge or awesome as the Guinness factory was in Dublin, but now I sound like I know things, or I might be a beer snob and that’s pretty stupid seeing as I don’t really like beer.
Sometimes I’m the lame traveler and I’ll google stuff like “best things to do in ____” and check everything off as I go. I’m always worried I will miss something awesome. We took a canal tour (BORING), Rijksmuseum (BORING) and Stedelijk Museum where I saw a sketch of a man crapping over a fan. It made me chuckle. We went into a casino, and I played on my free wifi and he lost money.
The Anne Frank House had a line out and around the building. It was amazing on the inside, but people gasp when I say this:
It’s bigger than I thought it would be. It’s also very intense. You can’t help but leave feeling overwhelmed by its sadness.
Only in Amsterdam can you leave such an incredible historic location and head directly down the canal into a sex filled, marijuana stinking Red Light District.
Obviously. “De Wallen”. The old ladies with saggy bodies chillin’ on their cellphones are hanging out in the windows early, the hotter chicks come out in the night. Which is funny because people are more fucked up at night, but boys are often stupid and probably pay more to “look.”
I have endless inappropriate and funny pictures of things I saw, if you want to see them you’d have to scour my instagram account. Plastic penis noses to wear on your face, booby baseball caps, and naked body kitchen aprons.
I’ve seen enough live sex shows to last me a life time.You know how they say that watching too much of the evening news desensitizes people to blood, gore, murder and other horrible things? Amsterdam’s live sex shows will numb you after about an hour. People are screwing on a stage that whirls in circles, doing the dirty dance to techno music while you’re waving someone down:
“Yes, waiter, can you get me another vodka soda with lime and a cheese platter?”
And another shocker? It was really clean there, too. I assumed restrooms might be crawling with creepers, but there were none to be seen (not that I saw) and I always had hand sanitizer, soap and paper towels when needed. These salt and pepper shakers are probably the only tame photo I took .
There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe…..
Definitely impressed with how beautiful the canals were, the cleanliness, and the people were so nice. (as if stoners wouldn’t be.) I will probably never go back, but it’s cool to cross it off my bucket list before I’m so old it would be deemed creepy to visit. Or to eat a brownie. ;)