Stepford Life, Not Stepford Wife

There are 2 things I can pretty much guarantee about this wife in Stepford:
1. I have the saddest selection of shoes
2. I have the least amount of clothing

I’m sick of wearing fucking yoga pants everywhere in my old beat up running shoes. When I go to the gym, the janitorial crew looks better than I do.

That is all.


I’m bored, let’s go to the zoo!

Bob and I woke up and felt like doing something other than going to Costco/Sam’s/the outlet mall….basically anywhere we normally spend a Sunday afternoon.
We heard there was supposed to be a really cool fair going on in Columbia, and that the zoo wasn’t far. Awesome! The kids rolled their eyes and reluctantly got ready for “family day out.”

We printed directions off Mapquest, and were on our way. It should have only taken us about an hour to get there, but somehow we missed the exit. The 1 hour ride turned into a 2 hour argument “stupid…shouldn’t have bothered…..why did we come?…’re a bad driver…..”

Once we got there though, we all calmed down and decided to enjoy ourselves.
cute momma kangaroo and her baby

(sweetie, putting your hand in your mouth leaving the monkey house is a bad idea…)

All and all it ended up a good day! We left the zoo and headed to the city for the fair. We got to the fair, drove by and immediately left. It was far from cool, and we were actually quite frightened by a bunch of people screaming at each other in a parking lot.

We headed over to Mellow Mushroom, one of the only places in the city open to eat on a Sunday afternoon. Good thing we LOVE their pizza, the hummus, oh and awesome BEER LIST!

After stuffing ourselves silly we headed home, but not before getting lost in the ghetto en route to the highway. Lovely. (Finished up by the “you’re a terrible driver” conversation from earlier that morning.)

What the heck do you mean….

Every family doesn’t get drunk on St. Patty’s day?

Only Irish FREAKS do this??

For St. Patty’s, we went to Atlanta for the Sabres game. Sabres games are SUCH a big deal in this family (um, no not to ME) that we have season tickets to the ATL Thrashers. Did I mention that they are all SABRES fans??

First things first. We check into the hotel.
Second, we hit a liquor store.

We look like a bunch of Irish Gypsies in all of our garb, and let me tell you, except for the gay man dressed like a green fairy, we were the only group to look this “excited” for the holiday. We had booze hidden on us in every which way. (yes, even Brinn has a shot glass as a necklace) Apparently, they don’t do things “our” way, so we had to hide it out in public. Wimps.
Here Tara and I pose with the world’s largest piece of SHIT.
and here is John, after hanging out with his friend, “Jack”.

Why servers look annoyed when…

you are in a nice restaurant with small children.

Brinn and I had a lunch date with Cassidy and Darlene while we were in ATL.

The server smiled at us, because we looked cute. But one must remember, looks can be deceiving.

He has us sit down at a table in the center of the restaurant. Great choice.
The first thing we do? Order wine. Next? Whip out the boobs.

Yep, both of us NIP, right there, in the middle of the restaurant.

Of course you get the looks. We are offensive for 3 reasons. First, we are NIP, and everyone knows you should go hide in a bathroom stall for the comfort of others. Second, we’re drinking and nursing. Third? The girls are ready for table food, and you know what that means with two 9 month olds- food fight! The floor looked like a tsunami hit our table by the time we were leaving.

Lucky for him, Dar and I know how to leave a big tip.
(tip as in, don’t be tricked by cute girls with babies and nice boobs)

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