Three years ago when we moved to Stepford and I became a stay-at-home mom, Bob decided to boycott housework. He did, however, give me the okay to hire someone to help clean the house. I was excited, because I ASSumed that if I payed someone to help me, shit would get done.
Not like when you ask a family member to take out the trash, only to find they put it outside, at the back door (instead of 15 steps to the trashcan) and some disgusting animal ripped it open during the night creating a new mess for YOU to clean.
I digress.
Referral #1.
#1 was a nice person, but her English was not so good. She started out with a bang, and my house sparkled. But a few weeks later she started to cancel on me, and I noticed that important things weren’t being done, you know, like mopping the floors. First of all, when I clean I don’t mop. Not when I REALLY clean. Of course I didn’t expect a cleaning lady to get on her hands and knees for $85 a visit. Unless that $85 is PER HOUR. Really? You are not a brain surgeon. I would sit and stew after her visit and think, “she just made X amount of dollars to do something half assed that I get $0.00 to do better.
After a few months of stewing and remopping, I fired her.
Referral #2.
She was more expensive at $115 every other week, and she used all of MY cleaning supplies from soaps, to rags, and the vacuum. I was told she was fabulous and I happened to hire her while retching in a toilet with morning sickness morning, noon, and night. She was thorough at first. I was sick as a dog and just knowing that I didn’t have to bend over (because gravity + having my head down to pick something up created conflict in my guts) was such a relief. I entered the 2nd trimester and realized she was slipping, so I tried to buckle down and nip it in the butt. I did NOT want to find someone new because I was too much of a puss to pull the boss card. “You could never run your own company” was my husband’s favorite thing to say every Thursday while I’d bitch up a storm cleaning the house BEFORE she got there. For 2 months I actually cleaned the house WITH her. Yes, I paid her $38 dollars an hour to help me clean my house. Then just before Christmas I snapped. While standing in line at the grocery store buying her a gift card, I realized I was a fool. I gave her the $50 card for groceries, a “happy holidays”, and told her I couldn’t afford her ass anymore.
It took an entire year to try again.
The Maid Brigade. Costs a LOT, and gives you a little. VERY little.
I went to a March of Dimes fundraiser with some friends, and won a housecleaning certificate at the silent auction from The Maid Brigade. Wow, that sounded cool. It’s also suppose to be a “green” company. Thanksgiving was coming up, as well as the baby’s baptism so I had them come clean up afterwards. I wanted to put up my Christmas decorations, what a great way to kick off the holiday season by having someone else clean my sty. I called to get my quote (although the certificate said ONE HOUSE CLEANING) and come to find out, my house was “bigger” than the “certificate” would cover. Funny, my house is pretty standard for this location. Apparently my bonus room is considered a “5th” bedroom and I would have to pay more. You have 3 1/2 baths? Mmm. That will cost you. All hardwood floors downstairs? The list went on and on. By the end of the call, I found out it was going to cost me out of pocket somewhere around $150+ to get the house cleaned PLUS the “certificate” I bid on and won. If I had $300 spare effing dollars in my pocket, I could find a woman to LIVE in my house, care for my children AND clean the damn house for less. They came and just cleaned my DOWNSTAIRS. $150 certificate cleaned my downstairs!! And you know what, they did a crap job. I told the person who followed up on the phone that the job was piss poor, and also wrote a letter stating my issues. They ignored me and I’m sure tossed my complaint card straight into the trash. Evidently a green cleaning company means, “we don’t really clean, cuz that ain’t green.”
How not to treat a prospective customer.
6 months go by. My girlfriend found a cleaning company that she LOVES out of Ballantyne. “Call them, they’re wonderful, they even brought me roses.” Roses? You don’t say. I told Bob about them. Being sick of my bitching the sweet guy he is, he called to set up an appointment for Mother’s Day. “We will have to call you back.” He called them back after a few days of nothing. “So sorry, we’ll call you back.” I asked him if he made the appointment, and he told me he still hadn’t even had a conversation with them. “I will call today.” I told him absolutely not. The economy blows, and they don’t want to call him back?? Are you so swamped cleaning all the unemployed people’s houses you don’t bother to return a call to a new customer MULTIPLE times?? The funny part, he did call them again, and he was blown off again. Those tools are still cleaning my friend’s house, like right now, and she lives next door. Although, they aren’t bringing flowers anymore.
I am now currently waiting on someone else to call me back and set something up, but my hopes are not high. It’s bad enough that my husband doesn’t “do” housework, my son can’t put his clothes away, my daughters are walking tornadoes (this beauty is from Brinn getting DRESSED) but people won’t even clean my house for cash!
And I thought *I* was lazy!!!!!!!!! Pffffffffffft.
