Steve gave me his card at dinner. I almost peed my pants laughing.
Category Archives: I Am An Ass
My roses are bloomin’!
Last fall I was in Lowe’s and found a sad, pathetic excuse for a climbing rose bush on the clearance table for a few bucks. It had one little shriveled up rose on it that looked more like a white carnation than a rose. I brought it home, haphazardly dug a hole and hoped for the best.
Here it is six months later! I’m like a rose whisperer or something.
The crap no one tells you about opening a business.
First off all, this entire process isn’t even a little bit easy. Everything is very methodical and every step is treated like it’s the most important in the process from beginning to end.
Sometimes it’s hard as hell to be nice.
So, so very hard.
I get harrassed enough by four kids all day long. The last thing I’m in the mood for? Fifteen different phone calls by fifteen different people trying to sell me on their damn credit card machines. STOP. I have enough to worry about, and calling me incessantly will only make me angry and I won’t think you’re a go getter, I’ll think you’re a thorn in my side.
Next, I can’t keep up with my house and family and baking and building, and grocery shopping and planning, and laundry and marketing myself and this blog…it’s all monotonous. I know that once the 2 little ones start preschool next week it won’t be so overwhelming, but when I am up until 2 am baking and the next night till 2am cleaning out closets, well it makes for a very crabby me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and know that it’s all going to be worth it. Just keep in mind that it’s also incredibly scary and stressful.
Do me a favor, don’t comment on how tired I look, or that I’m kind of bitchy, or that I’ve lost weight. I have a lot of anxiety, self doubt, insecurities and worry. But I also have drive, motivation, and a fear of failure. Things will settle down a little at some point, but for now, give me a little bit of a break.
If you call me to chat, talk about yourself. I’m tired of talking. So, thanks.
Also, thank you to those who have commented or email me just a quick note of encouragement. I’ve been blown away by a few people who have written to me to say such kind things. It means more than you’ll ever know.
The B.S. Update.
Other than blabbing about cupcakes and bakery hassles and trying to open a business and chucking in a few tidbits about the kids, I’ve basically been a blogging ball of suck lately.
So I’m here to enlighten those that give a shit (all three of you) and whip up a little post.
The “it’s all about me” segment, so here it goes.
The kids finished school, have been home for a few weeks and they are ALL up in my business ALL of the time. I love them, but for Christ sake let me pee alone with a closed door. Stalking me and handing me toilet paper is completely unnecessary, whether you are 2 or 10.
I got bangs.
I saw Sex and the City 2, and it sucked royal.
This week I submitted the newly revised business plan to Springs Development, (AND IT’S ACCEPTED!)
I’m super pissed off WEEDS isn’t starting until August. Utter crap.
I’ve had so many dirty martinis in four months that I could probably go toe to toe with James Bond. I actually purchased THIS travel coffee mug because, well, how could I not?
Next week I’m off to the tattoo parlor for some updating, so maybe I’ll have a martini or three before hand and come home with something spectacular. Or maybe I’ll end up with something that resembles a melted smurf. Who knows, I prefer unpredictability.
I asked Bob three times this month if we could pack our shit and move to Europe.
I spent entirely too much time tweeting about boobs, brazilians and bikinis with my girlfriends who live in BAX. Yes, we live within a mile of each other and tweet instead of call. It’s awesome, and you can’t hear someone else’s kid crying.
We saw PHOENIX in concert and it was awesome. I snuck a ziploc bag full of vodka mini bottles in my stretch pants under my poofy bedazzled dress into the concert and totally felt like a teenager again.
And if my kids read my blog I did NOT say that, mom just wear diapers.
I’m officially in love with Hawthorne’s Pizza and basically everything else I could shovel in my mouth there including 3 glasses of pinot grigio.
Maeve made it to the swim championships this weekend, and is super pumped the g-units are coming down from BuffHELLo to watch!
So that’s it in a nutshell.
On a serious note:
Sending love and prayers to my 8 year old nephew Declan who was hit by a car last weekend while riding his bike. He’s going to be okay, but make sure your kids are WEARING THEIR HELMETS.
Peace.
I had an OMG moment at Walmart while holding a deviled egg carrier.
OMG, as in, I better watch my ass before someone stuffs me with batteries and I’m an Officially Manufactured Gynoid.
See, our church was having a family sock hop, and since I’m Catholic, it’s believed by some that as long as I christen the babies, donate the cash and participate in holiday bake sales, I’m good to go. So I volunteered to make deviled eggs, even though I don’t attend that stuff.
We were kinda busy hitting the bar with friends for karaoke & cocktails.
Shit! I just realized I made DEVILed eggs for church. That can’t be good.
Anyway, deviled eggs are one of those things that you love or hate. Sure they can give you a wicked case of deadly, room-clearing farts. But if you like eggs, you probably like a good deviled one. Or at least you might if you tried mine.
To make these incredible edible deviled eggs, you need to start with these 3 things. The yellow food coloring is optional, but it will make your egg filling look a lot better. I don’t use blah yellow mustard, so I need to brighten things up.
Egg Assembly.
Please, always pipe the filling back into the egg. When someone slaps a spoonful of goop into a boring egg white, it often looks pretty stinking unappetizing (pun intended). It’s easy to spot a person that hates eggs at a party when they see a sloppy, drippy yellow mass and gag. So make it look appealing, even the egg haters will thank you.
Dress it up.
My family always makes a pretty deviled egg, even if you don’t love what is on top, it might LOOK really good. And it’s weird but most things actually taste okay on a deviled egg.
See this egg? It’s dressed to impress with caviar. Yeah, pretty damn special, isn’t it?
What’s great is the fact that even the most annoying snobbish family member can appreciate this high class egg. They don’t need to know it’s just a $10 jar of lumpfish. ;)
I love capers, you could mix them into the filling, but I think it overwhelms the flavor too much.
For generations people have been loving on these tasty little stink-bombs.
So if these are a staple in your home, you should probably thank your Grandma.
And, even though I now own multiple deviled egg carriers, and a few deviled egg trays and platters- I haven’t officially become a boring complacent housewife. I’m still a raging, complaining, bitchy one.
