I’m a storyteller, NOT a writer. I come on my little “blog” to post occasional kid funnies and quirks, then forget about it for months at a time. Of course when you’re actually with me, I never shut up. From now on I’m going to refer to this as my FLOG. As in: Fake blog. (I know so many perverts, seriously.)

I’ve never gone to one of these conferences, but I will tell you this-I never want to NOT go to one again. These chicks can party. AND they’re smart. Also, informative. But partying is #1, don’t be fooled.

First and foremost I have to do thank yous. Thank you to the amazing, sweet and wonderful Lisa Frame, my “Daily Pinch,” for hooking me up with Kelby Carr.  These two fabulously, generous women got me two major gigs at this conference. One with Carbonite  who put one of our cupcakes in 520 swagbags….and also with Ubisoft - the group responsible for making million of gamers and techies happy (that’s known as wii games in my house) for the release of their Just Dance 4 “The 80s” party.

I went to this conference with some of my biz-zy hobags, as we are all trying to find our niche being relevant, and partying as we do so. Tricia our southern, travelin’, food bloggin’ spark writer, the Emmy award winning (no joke) turned massage therapist Susan, and Super bombshell ponysheller Allison.

We were SO behaved that Friday morning, attending those awesome sessions, taking notes, live tweeting….and then there was the highlight of the afternoon. Everyone has that favorite moment, and this was mine.

Friday at 8am Tricia (TPO) is going on and on about the bloggers she can’t wait to see and meet and chat and …blah blah blah. Susan and I? Deer in headlights. Out of NOWHERE, we see a speeding wheelchair careening towards us, and I recognize the driver but am unable to place her. Tricia leaped behind a wall, grabs us, and gasps: “Do y’all knoooooooooooow Who That Is?!?!” This is followed by gasps, oooohs, aaaaaahs…..

It’s Anissa Mayhew. Now in all honesty, I’ve been around a few comedians, or people who WANT to be comedians. It’s scary, like Russian Roulette for the ego. So we ALL hid.

She went whizzing past and I swear to God, TPO did not shut up about her all morning. Or at lunch. Because immediately after lunch, she would be leading the session on humor. I can be super long winded about shit, so YOU can go learn about Anissa with all of the links I just linky loo’d through this paragraph. Or google her. But the bottom line was this, I’m about to meet TPO’s “NEO a la Matrix.” I see Anissa is sitting alone in the room preparing (or screwing around on twitter) and plopped my ass next to her. Hand to God she says, “it’s about time someone fucking showed up, I thought I’d be stuck in here talking to myself!”

I now love this woman. The session was amazing, I learned a lot. As a matter of a fact, she learned from me as well- she now knows that Food Network paid for my boob job. (as does everyone else at Type A, but whatever). I also had the pleasure of meeting Tracy whom should have her own humor session next year, too. The session was like being at home for me (if home was in an asylum).

Actually, our hotel room was asylum-like with 80s themed snacks, booze, music blasting, hair crimpers and Susan giving massages on the bed. No, I’m serious.

We get a text from Ms. Lisa “Pinch” Frame informing us we are to use kid gloves caring for her “Precious”….her precious being Kadi Prescott ~Social Media Mom extraordinaire. She’s was also on SuperNanny. It’s kind of fun bonding with someone else about reality tv who gets it (and can find humor in it). But honestly, it was much more fun doing tequila shots and annoying the shit out of our server. (we left a good tip, I promise!)

we were also joined by two totally adorable ladies, birthday girl Fawn and new-ish mom Jessie -I hope we were not horrendously offensive ALL of the time, because those are the nice girls we don’t like to ruin.

Blah blah blah- headed back to the conference is when I saw him, my Cupcake Wars nemesis.

Leave it to Charlotte to have a parent writing conference and comic book conference at the same time for all of us who will never grow up.

Sweatin’ to The Stache-Tastic Oldies.

Pictures say it better than my crappy writing so here:

The kick ass photo booth:

 

an 80s prom queen named Cheryl and of course- the cupcakes! Thank you for this Ubisoft gig, Lisa Frame! I LOVE this picture Leticia took (and I thank you too! xo)

and with that, Day 1 was complete. I have lots and lots of pictures I could post of Tricia sleeping with her armpit wrapped around my head, and Susan clutching her iphone for dear life while she slept, but I will refrain for now. The day 2 sessions were great even with a hangover, and yes I phoned it in a bit (thank god for Twitter) so I could stuff my face at Mert’s (twice!) . Of course, a day of learning must be rewarded with a night filled with eating and drinking, and this was going to be my first visit to Harvest Moon Grille. I’ve done a few events where we were both present, but this time I was a guest (use that term loosely)!

Helloooooooo, deliciousness. But a party isn’t a party until you make the restaurant staff act as weird as you. Wax lips in my purse= theme of our evening. Because, why not.

Not for long….

back at the hotel, we bumped into Anissa…..

https://twitter.com/AnissaMayhew/status/216726549142044672/photo/1

heehee this one in the link is better ;)

And then came Sunday. I have no idea at this point. Sessions, goodbyes, MAC lips stick and Black Finn.

 

(poor Lisa!) who captured my near arrest by a rent-a-cop….

and a glass rainstorm.

http://www.wcnc.com/news/neighborhood-news/Police-Drunk-man-behind-uptown-fallen-glass-incident-160285355.html

Click the link and there’s the coverup New story…..I mini-interviewed for because, hello, I had just gotten out of my fountain bath and was still hiding from said rent-a-cop who was more upset with me in the fountain than the broken window shower.

So with that, we had a pretty swell time. Better than swell because guess what? I made enough dough (pun intended) to afford the next big thing in NYC—-

Next up is BLOGHER.

With MARTHA.

THE MARTHA.

I need to go hide now.