Category Archives: Chat.

My most epic baking fail ever.

cakefailtooThis post is not easy to type, but needs to be written. I’m about to openly admit that I am a forgetful loser, but there’s a good chance I will still come through (albeit in a lame and embarrassing way.)

I forget a lot of things. I blame my medications for most of it, as living a life on a daily dose of prescribed seizure medications, xanax and wellbutrin do have side effects like “don’t give a shits” that land you on planet la la land. My short term memory is comparable to a gnat some days.

When I opened the store in 2010, I had no idea how hard it was going to be. We bake our cake every day. Over the course of the past three years, I’ve gotten particularly snobby about cake. I admit it. Sometimes, I order cake when I’m out to eat, just to laugh at how bad it is. Servers in the restaurants will notice I took one bite and ask “didn’t you like the cake?” Me: “I was just testing it out.” It’s not the servers fault, why make them feel weird that their employer serves over-priced, prepackaged shitty dessert items to people who just don’t know better. One of my biggest gripes? Big box stores and grocery chains that sell “custom” cakes for a quarter of the price we are able to charge. Well, obviously they can charge next to nothing, you’re eating a mouthful of cheap preservative filled vegetable shortening from a tub, globbed on top of chemical filled mass quantity produced frozen/boxed/shipped cake. And not only are they cheap, they’re fast, convenient, and will stay fresh for 3 years.

Have you ever been so buried and bogged down with life that you worry you might forget everything? I’m not talking about just paying the cellphone bill or a your yearly pap smear appointment. I have worried about forgetting things like my own child’s birthday party. Father’s Day. An anniversary. Of course I am capable of forgetting important nonfluctuating days pre-printed in a universal calendar like Valentine’s Day, so forget about remembering events that fluctuate like Leap Year. I even started a daily vitamin cocktail in the am and pm to help with memory- vitamin B, folic acid, fish oil, because dementia sucks.

Friday night in the midst of a marital tiff at the Tega Cay house, my phone rang. A little something like this:

me: “Hi Jules, what’s going on?”

Jul: “well, I was just wondering where you are?”

me: “I’m at the house, what’s up?”

Jul: “well, I was wondering if you’re coming?”

…..

me: “What? Where are you?”

Jul: “um….(awkward silence) I’m at Kenna’s (her daughter’s) birthday party…”

me: (dry-heave) “I’m, &^*$ omg, sorry… on the way.”

Not only were we over an hour late for the party, guess who was suppose to have the cake? This loser. The party was ending at 8, I had 50 minutes to get cake, get across town, and try to somewhat band aid one of the biggest screw ups EVER.

I had to do the unthinkable.

I had to go to the grocery store and buy a sheet cake. Do you KNOW how it felt to walk in a store and buy cake? The girls at work laughed at me when I told them, “why a sheet cake? An ice cream cake is forgivable!” I agree and I got one of those, too. But I couldn’t show up without something somewhat personalized. It was as if someone was stabbing me in the face–a bakery owner buying a grocery store cake. We don’t have a secret stash of cake out back or a cupcake bush to pick from at the last second, so I couldn’t even pop in my own cupcake shop to get something. LOSER. Any time you’re worried you fucked up at work or in general, remember Heather the baker going in to Harris Teeter to take a sheet cake to a birthday party for someone else’s child. Do you think I wasn’t recognized at the store? I was. A woman’s face I’m somewhat familiar with was throwing me shade while I checked out. I even tried to walk with the 2 cakes stacked in front of my face to detour any unwanted stares or eyerolls. Too late. Shamed. We made it to the party with the sheet cake and ice cream cake with about 6 minutes to spare.

Lessons learned- Make sure my calendar dates are not just saved in my cell, that they have multiple reminder alarms to alert me to how stupid I would be if I forgot x, y, or z. Also, while grocery store cake might be tasteless, cheap and easy, at least it is fast and convenient. It doesn’t matter that the food coloring makes your poop purple for 3 days.

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This is what you get when you say mean things and judge others, even if it’s just about cake.

Karma, bitches. stress

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A cupcake that speaks for itself, Equality.

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It’s true, I had no idea how crazy people would get over a cupcake. An innocent cupcake with an equality symbol on it. Our Facebook page turned into a war zone:
www.facebook.com/thecupcrazedcakery
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Jenny O. At the Fort Mill Times reiterated everything I have to say on it:

http://www.fortmilltimes.com/2013/04/01/2591081/equality-cupcakes-stir-cupcrazed.html

The news interview links are:

http://www.wcnc.com/news/local/Cupcakes-causing-outrage-in-same-sex-marriage-debate-200581721.html

http://www.wbtv.com/story/21828920/bakery-makes-controversial-equality-cupcakes

http://www.wccbcharlotte.com/news/local/Cup-Cake-For-Equality-Draws-Nasty-Comments-200725181.html?m=y&smobile=y

(Ps-typing on an iPad sucks SO BAD. The links probably won’t work, either.)

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The upstairs wasn’t worse, but it wasn’t better.

So now it’s time to head upstairs…the window lets in light, but you can’t look out of it.

 

 

 

At the top of the stairs it was plate glassed off and the bi-fold door is very beachy.

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This is my favorite room in the house, and I’ll explain why. See the toilet and the pony wall? The first time I came in the house I stared at it long and hard. I couldn’t figure out the set up. I get having a pony wall for privacy and mounting the toilet paper holder, but the location was SO odd.

 

Hmm- there’s nothing on the other side of it. Why on earth would you have a half wall and an empty space? Sit down on the toilet.

OH! Super smart, now the cars driving by can’t see you on the shitter! So now:

 

 

Below is bedroom 1:

 

Bedroom 2 is in the front of the house, it has a tiny window that doesn’t even meet code to be considered a bedroom. Between that window, the wall of mirrors (a mirrored bedroom? Pervs) and the mallard duck wallpaper, I was really torn up about changing anything in here.

  

 

Bedroom 3 & 4:

 :

Today:

 

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It kind of reminds me of a rotting corpse when I look at this mess….

 

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And So It Begins: Renovation “Polynesian Palace”

This is the first post. I only have patience to post the outside of it right now, as the inside is …overwhelming. MAJOR understatement.

Welcome to my newest chapter of chaos. Behold the beauty….Okay, seriously. Not my steering wheel, or the trash cans. Try and look PAST the house. Yeah, that.

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The Polynesian Palace in all of its 1970s glory. Yes it’s March, but why would I bother taking down the Christmas wreath that’s been attached to the siding for 3 years? It’s like a beauty mark (a malignant one.)

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The humble abode is so unique that it has not one, but two front doors. Not to be mistaken for a regular double door, it is a TRUE “double door” entrance.

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The gentle slope of the front yard just makes you want to run up the hill belting out “the sound of music.” The hills are alive until you bust your face tripping on the 7,000 “gum tree” balls.

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Sadly, those streaks in the sky are not torpedoes shot to seek and destroy.

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It is always wise to plant giant privacy hedges to block the view of the lake. I would hate for some boaters to go whizzing by and see me eating a sandwich.

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More gum balls and bushes and a tree that’s about to fall on the neighbor’s roof on a gusty day.

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At least the siding is in great shape. I can harvest the mold for penicillin.

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Hey, your crack is showing.

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I’ve seen some pretty classy patios with wood ceilings, but this gem has vinyl siding.

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The not so feng shui rock garden.

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Last but not least? The hanging tree, for when the bills start rolling in.

The challenge is to make everything you see in these pictures, nothing like they are now.IMG_0897But I have luck on my side. I found it hammered into the garage wall.

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